Power (of Attorney) Corrupts
I just got an email from my aunt, Laura, one of my mother’s sisters. It said that she prepared an advance directive in case she should ever be found incompetent and couldn’t make her own medical decisions. She chose my other aunt, Jill, to be her primary agent and Jill’s daughter as the secondary. In the case that there would need to be a third and fourth, my sister and I were on deck.
Doggonnit, passed up for first choice again! This just happened to me a month ago and the wound hasn’t even healed yet.
When the man who is my father was admitted to the hospital and was about to have open heart surgery, I asked his youngest and current favorite daughter who was named agent on his advance directive. His what? His durable power of attorney. Huh? WHO DA’ BOSS? Says Young Dumb Goth in feigned embarrassment, "Oh, yeah, that. Well, it’s me and Donna (his sucker girlfriend)."
I wasn’t surprised, but I did think it was hasty decision. In my opinion, I think I would have been the better choice because: 1) I am his oldest daughter; 2) I have a professional and medical background; and 3) I am a control friek.
We talked about his decision after he was moved from ICU, and it sparked an emotionally charged discussion that became a turning point in my life . I am sure that he and his two sidekicks, Gothgirl and Sucker-of-the-Month, think that the reason I stormed out of the hospital was because I didn’t get my way. No, it was because the man who is my father said some really mean and hurtful things to me as he lay there in his hospital gown and oxygen tubes. Honestly, I wouldn’t have even wanted to make his medical decisions (it just would’ve been nice to be asked).
It was my name that my mother put on her advance directive. As honored as I was, it offers no comfort to me now. What comforts me is the memory of being curled up with her as the morphine kicked in. I said, "I love you."
"I love you more," she was barely able to reply.
That was the last time we spoke.
Doggonnit, passed up for first choice again! This just happened to me a month ago and the wound hasn’t even healed yet.
When the man who is my father was admitted to the hospital and was about to have open heart surgery, I asked his youngest and current favorite daughter who was named agent on his advance directive. His what? His durable power of attorney. Huh? WHO DA’ BOSS? Says Young Dumb Goth in feigned embarrassment, "Oh, yeah, that. Well, it’s me and Donna (his sucker girlfriend)."
I wasn’t surprised, but I did think it was hasty decision. In my opinion, I think I would have been the better choice because: 1) I am his oldest daughter; 2) I have a professional and medical background; and 3) I am a control friek.
We talked about his decision after he was moved from ICU, and it sparked an emotionally charged discussion that became a turning point in my life . I am sure that he and his two sidekicks, Gothgirl and Sucker-of-the-Month, think that the reason I stormed out of the hospital was because I didn’t get my way. No, it was because the man who is my father said some really mean and hurtful things to me as he lay there in his hospital gown and oxygen tubes. Honestly, I wouldn’t have even wanted to make his medical decisions (it just would’ve been nice to be asked).
It was my name that my mother put on her advance directive. As honored as I was, it offers no comfort to me now. What comforts me is the memory of being curled up with her as the morphine kicked in. I said, "I love you."
"I love you more," she was barely able to reply.
That was the last time we spoke.
posted by Rachael at 3:52 PM
2 Comments:
It sounds like you had the power of attorney for the exact right person.
Your mom.
My mom has always favored my younger brother; now that I have kids, she also favors them over me. It's hard because I feel she's so unfair and critical toward me -- yet I don't feel I can just write her off and quit seeing her, because she's my mom and she's eighty-one. I echo Donna in saying you had power of attorney for the exact right person.
Love is so expansive; each of my children is totally loved and embraced; I don't understand ANY parent's need to be stingy with his/her love and have favorites.
Post a Comment
<< Home